About Love

Happy Day of Love, Ya'll! Valentine's day this week has me all...

I love me this handsome hunk of of mine something fierce!

We had a wonderfully "Porter" Valentine's day complete with Froyo, heart-shaped pizza, family room candlelit picnic, and going out for a movie...which may or may not have been the Lego Batman Movie.... We are so romantic.

All of the lovey dovey-ness this week has gotten me thinking about, you got it, LOVE. It's amazing to experience the transformation of love. I first fell in love with Scott when I was 19. We were still babies back then! But what I felt was so fiery and hopeless and wonderful. The can't eat, can't sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff. Then the years passed and that wildfire became deeper burning coals of connection and compassion. When we got engaged we became closer and closer, happier and happier. Then we got married and the love deepened again. Complete vulnerability matched with complete security took us to a whole new level. And I thought I'd loved before! Plus, it was a blast to finally be living with my best friend--every day was a date! We had all kinds of wild adventures, but in the end all we needed was to just be together to be happy (we have plenty of Netflix and Chill nights to prove it). He was, and is, my person. My everything.

Then BAM! Insert Person #2!

And I thought I'd loved before.

Here's something my mom taught me about love: the reason why she doesn't have a favorite child is because love MULTIPLIES. Sometimes we live as though there is a limited amount of love--like if "so-and-so" likes "what's-her-face" so much, she probably can't like you very much at all. Love divided isn't true love. Love MULTIPLIES. There is an endless amount of love we can feel for others. And that applies most of all to our families.

When Annie came into our lives it was like my heart exploded. It grew AT LEAST three sizes that day. I think my most common phrase for a month was: "I just love you so much!" I just couldn't contain the amount of love I felt for her. And then there was the extra measure of love I felt for Scott as I watched him become a dad. How carefully and tenderly he cradled our little newborn. The tears we both shed as we just watched her and then looked at each other in awe. Now I love watching her laugh at his crazy antics, smile when he walks in the door, or nestle into him as she falls asleep. Heart bursting, melting, racing...all at the same time!

No doubt about it, Annie changed our hearts. And our relationship. When I asked Scott how he feels our relationship has changed since having Annie this was his response:

Respect for each other has grown. At least for me. Appreciation for each role increases. Also, I miss you more. Annie hogs all the time. ; )

This brings up one important distinction when talking about love multiplication: while love multiplies, time does not. So while our hearts have been growing with our new little love at home, sometimes we feel farther away from one another rather than closer together. The love hasn't changed, but our time and attention are divided. I'm beginning to understand why real "Date Night"s are so important, and why that time after the kids are in bed is so precious. We used to only have alone time. Now we are lucky to brush our teeth before falling asleep from pure exhaustion.

So, in case I don't express it enough, or seem a bit pre-occupied with an ever-present, needy, adorable little human... (Mush Alert Ahead!!!)

I just LOVE Scott Porter! Let the record show that "Dad Scott" is the best Scott yet. And while our adventures may be more tame, the day-to-day less thrilling, the "us" time less...just less...this is the best adventure yet. Who knew I could be so delighted by a man changing a diaper, so touched by an offer to take the 2AM shift, or so enchanted by his goofy baby voice. All of it just melts me. Somehow the craziness of parenthood has bonded us, in all of it's tender, brutal, "didn't take a shower today" glory.

So here's a tribute to all the dads! Especially this dad, who slaves away day after day for his little family. Thanks for slaying all those dragons. For putting out the fires. For being my strength and my sanity when hours of baby talk have turned my head to mush. For loving me more for the changes that mommyhood have brought me -- tired eyes and flabby abs included. For loving our daughter so fiercely WITH me, that despite the lack of "us" time, I know that we could never be more connected. And I thought I'd loved before.

Here's to the dads!

***To any husbands or wives out there who don't yet enjoy the blessing of raising a family together, I want you to know that I don't feel that having children is the only way to deepen a relationship. Having kids is a hard but wonderful thing that makes you pull together as you make it through. There are many hard and wonderful things that can make us rely on each other and conquer as we work together. Your relationship is not at a disadvantage, your love is not any less. I hope as you read my experience you will know that I admire and learn from yours as well. Much love!***