Good Tidings of Comfort and Joy

Do you have a list of things you would "never do" as a mom? Well, yesterday did one. I got straight-up mad at my helpless, innocent little infant. Here's a little snippet of what my day looked like:

Change her out of her soiled nightgown. Feed her. Try to figure out why she's fussing and not eating. Blowout halfway through...it can wait. She scratches the eczema on her face. Intercept her hands while keeping her latched on. Burp her...nothing. Change diaper and clothes (again). Still trying to scratch. Spits up all over clothes, face, neck, and hair (that I just washed last night). Sticky mess. Take clothes off, wipe down with wet rag. That'll do for now. Still scratching. Re-apply Aquaphor to face. Third set of clothes. Try to make and eat breakfast with baby on hip, ravenously gnawing on my arm. Spits up on herself, my arm, and the floor. Great. Clean floor while holding baby. Try not to push out any more spit up while doing so. Finish breakfast while miraculously not dropping wriggling child. "Tired crying" starts as I attempt to wash my bowl with one hand. Wrap her up and rock her to sleep--because that's the only way. Try to nibble off her "claws" as she dozes. Screaming ensues and I give up only two claws in. Hold her binky in (both Wubbanubs are covered in spit-up) while simultaneously keeping her from scratching at her face again. At last she's asleep. Freedom! Maybe I'll fold that mountain of laundry that's turned her crib into the pit of despair, or wash my puke-covered comforter, or maybe I'll even take a shower today! Half-an-hour later, before accomplishing any of those things, I hear it. The cry. She's waking, scratching her face, and crying for more milk that she'll probably spit-up all over me. OK-let's try this again. And it's only 9:30.

(I typed that whole thing one-handed with Annie falling asleep in my other arm by the way)

And they wonder what moms do at home all day!

I remember holding Annie in those first precious hours of life and thinking: "I will never get tired of holding you." Well, yesterday I got tired of holding her. And I was mad. I was frustrated at being so unable to get my "things" done. By the time Scott got home and picked me up for an outing, the house was still a wreck, the dishes unwashed, the dinner un-made, the pit of despair still despairing, and the baby still wailing. I was fuming.

Five minutes in to our drive to the Hale Center Theater for "A Christmas Carol," I started feeling better. And embarrassed. And like I was a terrible mom. I was mad at a tiny baby who has no control over her needs and how she makes them known. It's not like she's TRYING to make my life miserable. #momfail

And also #normal. Being a mom really is hard. I knew that would hit me eventually, but I didn't think I would handle it so badly. It's just another reminder that I really am a rookie at this whole "mom" thing.

Here's where the perspective finally comes in.

"A Christmas Carol" is a story of redemption. Scrooge is a man who has done a lot of things wrong, but when he's shown what is good and meaningful about life, his perspective changes from one of discontent to one of humility and gratitude. As I listened to Scrooge sing the the closing lines of the finale, it was my perspective and attitude that changed:

"God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay

Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day

To save us all from Satan's pow'r when we have gone astray

Oh tidings of comfort and joy"

Whether we've gone miles or inches astray from what we know is right, those glad tidings can still bring us comfort and joy. We all have bad days, whether we're 3 months or 28 years old. And really Annie is a good baby and it wasn't THAT BAD of a day. The good news is that "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it" (love that Anne of Green Gables!).

The reason why we can truly start over fresh each day is because "Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day to save us all." We can always repent, say we're sorry, and be better today than we were yesterday because He paid the price for our sins AND our mess-ups. So today I'm starting fresh and holding Annie a little tighter. Trying to savor the small moments instead of complaining. Choosing to be grateful that I'm the one bringing her comfort and joy. I'll never be a perfect mom, but at least today I can be a more patient one. Thanks Scrooge. And thanks be to God for the "matchless gift of His divine Son."

#Annie #RookieMom